Assumptions

Yesterday, while talking about my prospective exchange to Japan, my Homecoming date asked me, “So what if you go and your ‘family’ there isn’t LDS… How will that work out?”

I replied neatly and with no resentment, “Well, I’m not LDS.”

He responded, “Oh. Well… I just assumed, you know, because you’re such a nice girl… well this is awkward... ”

I have no problem with the LDS Church or its members. I don’t even have a problem with people thinking that I’m Mormon. However, I do have an issue with the simple assumption that, in this area, nice person + decent standards = must be Mormon.

This isn’t the first time this happened. This isn’t even the second time. It happens to me all the time, in pretty much the same way:

Them: [some comment or question expecting a response that involves knowledge of LDS customs/doctrine/whatever]

Me: “I’m not LDS.”

Them: “Oh, I just assumed because you’re so nice.”

And then, in the seeping awkwardness that ensues, I always have to explain how I’m not offended by their assumption, that the majority of my mother’s side of the family is Mormon so I’ve grown up around the church, that in fact my brother is Mormon and currently on a mission…

But it’s always “because you’re so nice” and, for an added bonus, “you’re so nice and behave so morally and have great standards…”

Are Mormons the only ones allowed to behave nicely? To behave morally? To have standards?

It’s not just Mormons that are guilty of this offense of assumption. It’s almost any culture or religion that sees someone behaving as they think is good. They assume that because the other is behaving as they and their alignment see as good, the other must be of that alignment. I’m just using Mormons because it’s what is specific to me here and now (I also personally experienced it in SC, but with Baptists).

I’m not LDS. I’m not Christian. I’m not remotely religious in any way. However, I am firm in my standards. (And who am I to say if those standards are high or low, good or bad?) When I don't meet those standards, which seems all too often, I find myself a wretched person. 

I have morals for myself, but those are private and specific to me. It’s impossible for anyone to say that another is or isn’t living morally, because we can’t define each other by our own morals. They’re personal. One person can’t decide what is good and what is bad.

In fact, I’ll bet that those who praised me so would be the very ones to spurn me should they find what’s actually going on in my mind, what my actual morals are. My internal dialogue is very different from what I suppose people judge it to be from my actions.

I think, feel, and believe very differently from what I’ve seen preached by the LDS church and its members. Those thoughts, feelings, and beliefs just manifest themselves externally in ways that are similar in appearance to those of upstanding Mormons.

By behaving as I feel is right, am I providing a false representation of myself? Is it leading to incorrect assumptions? Would it be better for everyone if I behaved as they expected someone of my alignment (or nonalignment, to be more accurate) would?

Not that I would change. It would be against my principles. I don’t act as I do now for anyone’s benefit save my own, so why would I act differently for that purpose?