Drum Major

I spent five years of marching band without any title. I was not officially a leader. And, you know? I think I was okay with that. I did my best to set a good example and help out where I could, but I was not required to. However, I believed that all I wanted was a real leadership position, that somehow being given a name would make a difference.

What I've realized, though, is that it doesn't make a difference. I'm still the same me. Being given official authority hasn't really changed how I act. I'm drum major now, and expected to know what to do and how to get the group where it needs to go. I still feel kind of lost, though. I don't feel comfortable telling others what to do.

I don't feel like a drum major. I feel like a me who's had their saxophone taken away from them and made to say things and sound like they're important. At least without a title, I knew how to do what was expected of me. I could march well, learn my music, and set a good example. That's how I led. Now, though, I feel like those around me are expecting me to drive the band, and I'm not sure I'm comfortable in doing that.

I'm sure I'll figure it out as the season goes on, but I worry about what sort of impression I'm making right now. If the band sees my hesitations, my lack of sureness, they'll paint me as someone who doesn't know what they're doing. Sure, I'm completely new to the drum major-specific things, the conducting and the mace-spinning, but I'm not new to marching band. I know what needs to be done by the marchers; I just need to learn how to convey that. I need to learn how to teach, how to actively lead.